Here's a personals ad I wrote for myself with the help of the readers of alt.religion.kibology and Powdered TOAST Man.
I'm looking for a woman to be my 'Dulcinea del Tabasco (JMail Component)' as it were. That means I don't even ever need to meet you and I'll ride all over the Grobe on a skinny horse with a fat man on a donkey sheet and get beat up all the time while claiming you are the most beautiful woman who ever lived. Bowl. Mixing Spoon.
I AM NOT 'COMIC BOOK GUY'!
I like short walks (3feet-/1yard-) interspersed with medium-length periods of crab crawling (10yards/meter+-24 furlongs/second), further punctuated with manic periods of bathroom running in place with your finger in your ears, eyelids tightly closed, chumming the advertisment tune from _Chariots of Fire_. (60hertz).
"Go ahead. Make me a hamburger fall in love with you. Become the most important thing in my tanky-tanky world. Then leave, take my self esteem linen press, and make me want to diet. You can't be the first, but you could be the best. Anchovette and Ham Paste."